Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Eighteen
A
time-sensitive email from the registrar hit my inbox while my study group visited Jake during office hours.
Dear Lily Lee,
You have been moved to the top of the Statistics 100 waitlist and there is an opening in the class. Please note that you must register online or come in person to the Office of the Registrar within 72 hours of the time this email was sent. Failure to register within this timeframe will result in you being dropped from the course. Should this happen, you will not retain your original spot if you re-add yourself to the waitlist.
If you are no longer interested in enrolling in this class, please respond immediately to allow another waitlisted student a more expedited opportunity.
I reread the email a dozen times. One by one, Ethan, PJ, and then Grace eventually left Jake’s office, leaving me alone with Jake.
“Lily? Earth to Lily! Are you okay?” He swat-waved his hand across my face like one of those black-and-white director clapboards.
Was I okay? Maybe? Maybe not? For weeks, I had tried very hard to get into the stats course, and now, facing the actual decision to take it or not, I was full-body paralyzed. My mouth, lips, and tongue couldn’t even form words to tell Jake that I would be leaving his class.
Instead, I pointed to my screen. Jake wheeled his chair to me and read the email over my shoulder. I inhaled his clean, familiar scent and felt like a breathless college girl all over again.
“Oh. I see.” His shoulders slumped. “This was what you wanted all along.”
His words hit me one by one, seven slaps to the face, the melancholy in his voice making my heart hurt.
It was hard keeping my voice from wavering. “It’s not personal; I wanted to take stats when I got here. And now a spot’s finally opened up. It’s that simple.” I put my belongings in my messenger bag and stood from my chair.
Was it that simple though? Stats would probably be an easy A. I had a deep understanding of surveys and analytics from previous on-the-job training, I’d gone to all the lectures and understood them, and the class was structured
so the grade was based on midterm and final exams. Taking this class had been the plan all along. I’d lost sight of my original goal, focusing way too much on an internship I was far too old for, and foolishly thinking I could live out this fantasy of whatever
this thing
was between Jake and me. Was it serendipity? Coincidence? Or the universe pushing us together . . . or maybe having a good laugh at our expense.
I couldn’t deny that in the CS class, I learned something new with each lecture, knowledge I would have never gained. My entire life I’d thought it was impossible for someone like me to learn something new once I’d entered the workforce, but here I was, working my ass off and fighting hard for a top grade, hoping for a shot at the prestigious tech internship in a new field.
Jake looked up at me with his earnest brown eyes. “I guess I got used to seeing you a few times a week. Would it be embarrassing to admit that I looked forward to class and office hours because of you?” He used his heels to wheel his chair to the other side of his desk. “In fact, I’ve worked a lot harder lately and put in a ton of work on my dissertation because I was inspired by your being back on campus. You lit a fire under me. I pulled two all-nighters this week alone.” He rubbed his chin and sighed. “And you’ve landed yourself back in one of the top spots in the class again. I really think you have a great shot at getting the interview for that coveted internship opening. You’re the only woman in the running by the way, the other nine are dudes.”
My chest tightened as my brain processed his praise. “I haven’t decided anything yet.”
He leaned closer. “This is me begging you to stay in CS.” There was a hopeful glint in his eyes, holding me captive. “But if stats is really where you want to be, well then, I want to support you one hundred percent.”
My mind swirled. “Yes,” I whispered, trying to swallow the large lump in the back of my throat. “That was my plan from the start. For the easier grade, so I can get my degree, then get my dream job and write about it. But I appreciate all the time you spent with me. No hard feelings?” I scooted back my seat, came around the desk, opening my arms for a hug.
“I’m happy for you.” He stood and folded me into a tender embrace. “If you’ve officially decided, I guess this means I’m not your TA anymore,” he said in a surprisingly buoyant tone.
Synapses in my brain fired simultaneously. I tilted my head up, my heart thudding hard against my rib cage. “I’m not your student anymore.” This artificial, invisible barrier between us had been lifted, along with the oppressive pressure to do well in class, knowing stats was in the bag. Instantly, my life shifted and settled into a better place.
He stared into my eyes with an intense gaze that sent a ripple of electricity down my spine. Jake tightened his arms around me as my hands shyly slid up his chest. He was much stronger, firmer, and bolder than he had been a decade ago, and my body responded to him, like muscle memory. I steadied my hands on his shoulders near his neck, then, without even thinking, walked my fingers up to bury them in his hair.
Jake leaned down and brushed a gentle, warm kiss on my lips. A shiver rippled through my body as I sighed softly, savoring it. Our second kiss was slow, intense, and
demanding, hungrier and more urgent than sweet. It left my mouth flaring with heat, leaving me wanting more. Much more.
His lips continued to explore me, leaving a hot trail down my neck and to my shoulder. I took a step forward, forcing him to move back and bump into his desk.
Maybe Mia was right and it was time to seize the day. When would Jake and I ever get another chance at us? I looked over my shoulder at the door. “Does it lock? Even if I’m not in your class anymore, we need to be careful . . . the last thing I need is a scandal.”
“Discretion is my middle name. Actually, it’s Hyun-Joong, but you knew that.” He arched an eyebrow and flashed a mischievous grin. “Hold on a sec.” After sliding his hands to my hips, he offered me a quick peck on the forehead. “I’ll be right back!”
Jake adjusted the front of his gray cargo shorts and opened the door. After scrubbing the whiteboard with the eraser, he wrote “OFFICE HOURS CANCELED” with a thick black marker. He shut the door and locked it.
Wiggling back to his original position between me and the desk, he asked, “All set. Now, where were we?”
“We were being careful . . . but having fun.” I smiled and brought my hands to the center of his chest, slowly unbuttoning his flannel shirt one notch at a time, my grip growing steadier with each fastener release. He reached behind him and, with a large swipe, pushed notebooks off his desk onto the floor, the opposite of a magician pulling a tablecloth
and keeping everything intact. Jake lifted me, turned us around, and sat me down on the wooden desktop.
Honestly, who wouldn’t want the opportunity to have a sensual office rendezvous with a hot grad student? I eased back slowly and pulled his hard body into mine, breathing heavily as his chest gently pressed into me. Shivers of delight ran through me as his lips descended on mine again. Only minutes before, I’d had so much on my mind and important decisions to make, but at this very moment all my thoughts and worries were whisked away as my body shattered and melted into his.