Chapter Nine: All the Embarrassing Moments
chapter nine
ALL THE EMBARRASSING
MOMENTS
Miles
I
wake up to a wet nose against my cheek and terrible breath. My eyes pop open, and Wilfred’s concerned face comes into focus. “Hey, buddy. Is it time for breakfast already?” I scratch behind his ear and roll over onto my back, glancing at the clock on the nightstand.
My alarm is set to go off in two minutes.
It’s typical for me to wake up a couple of minutes before my alarm, mostly because Wilfred functions like a dog alarm. His tail thumps on the floor, clearly excited that it’s morning and his bowl will be full as soon as I get my ass out of bed.
I close my eyes again, positive I could fall back to sleep and stay that way for several more hours. But his whimper and another nose nudge remind me that if I stay where I am, I’m going to get a face bath. With a tongue that’s likely licked a set of balls recently. Seems like maybe cats and dogs aren’t all that different after all.
I throw my covers off and trudge to the bathroom. A nagging feeling that I’m forgetting something important tickles the back of my mind, but I’m still groggy and only half awake. Wilfred follows along and plunks himself down in the middle of the bathroom, tail wagging, panting happily as he watches me angle my semi down and relieve myself. I check my reflection in the mirror as I wash my hands.
The allergic reaction.
My face is back to normal, no more puffy lips or hives. I’d like to find out sooner rather than later what exactly I’m allergic to so I can avoid a subsequent reaction. If this is what happens every time I try to fill a box, cleaning out my mother’s house is going to be a serious hazard to my health.
I leave my worries in the bathroom and head down the hall, Wilfred’s nails clipping along on the floor as he trots after me. When I reach the kitchen I’m surprised—but probably shouldn’t be, as memories of last night filter through—to find Kitty sitting at my kitchen table with a coffee cup in her hand and yesterday’s paper in front of her.
“Hey.” I run a hand through my hair.
She startles and coffee nearly sloshes over the rim of her cup. She recovers, though, and her gaze lifts from the paper to me, standing in the middle of the open-concept living room. Her eyes flare and move over me, cheeks bursting with color. “Oh! Hi!” Her voice is high pitched, and her gaze darts to the side, then bounces back to my waist, and away again. Her face grows redder by the millisecond.
Which is when I realize I’m only wearing boxer briefs and a white T-shirt, and I’m still sporting my morning semi.
I drop a hand in front of my crotch. “Shit. Sorry. I forgot you were here. I’ll be right back!” I spin around and rush down the hall to my bedroom.
Wilfred barks once and follows me halfway down the hall before stopping, probably confused.
I make sure he’s not on my heels before I slam my door shut and berate myself for being an idiot and not putting on pants before I left my bedroom. But in my defense, my brain is slow and sluggish, probably from all the drugs they gave me last night.
When I return to the kitchen, Kitty is no longer sitting at the table. For a second I think she’s left, or maybe she’s hiding in the spare room. But I find her on the other side of the kitchen, next to Wilfred’s bowl, where she’s pouring kibble into the dish. He waits impatiently, tail wagging so vigorously that his entire butt is swaying back and forth. She murmurs to him, words I don’t catch because her voice is too low.
He waits until she gives him the go-ahead before he shoves his face in the bowl, tail expressing his delight. She gives him a quick pat on the back before she turns around. “Oh!” Her gaze darts from my face down to my waist and back up again before shifting to the side. “Hey. Hi. I made coffee. I hope that’s okay.”
I’m thankful we’re going to ignore the semi flashing. “Oh yeah, I’m glad you made yourself at home. Did you sleep okay? Thanks again for last night. I know it probably wasn’t how you
expected your evening to go.” Neither of us seems to be able to hold eye contact for more than a millisecond.
This feels a lot like the awkward aftermath of a one-night stand, but without the sex.
And suddenly an image of Kitty, naked, in my bed, wearing her leopard-framed glasses, pops into my head. Which is a ludicrous fantasy, considering all I’ve managed to be for her so far is a giant pain in the butt. I blink twice and try to focus on other things. Like the enthusiastic sound of Wilfred snort-eating his food.
A knock at my door prevents Kitty from responding.
I glance at the clock on the stove. It’s just after seven. “I’ll be right back.”
Sometimes my neighbor down the hall borrows cream or sugar. I throw open the door and find not my neighbor, but Josh, ready to use the spare key to let himself in.
“Hey, man, why aren’t you dressed? We gotta be at the rink in an hour, and I want to stop at the bakery first. I have a hankering for a cinnamon roll.” He brushes past me, and I don’t have a chance to warn him that we’re not alone before he reaches the living room and comes to an abrupt halt. “Oh. Hey. Hi there. Why didn’t you tell me you had company?” He glances from Kitty to me, one eyebrow raised.
She’s still dressed in yesterday’s outfit, but it’s significantly more rumpled. Which means she probably had to sleep in it. I should have given her a shirt or something.
Then it would smell like her perfume.
I inwardly cringe at how creepy that sounds in my head. And I realize, belatedly, how this must look to him.
“I had an allergic reaction,” I explain.
His eyebrows try to touch each other over the bridge of his nose.
“I drove Miles to the hospital. And then home. And the doctors said he shouldn’t be alone, so I stayed to make sure he wouldn’t blow up like a balloon again. I’m Kitty.” She steps around the counter and wipes her hand on her pants before extending it.
Josh takes her much smaller, delicate hand in his. For reasons that mystify me, it makes me want to punch him in the face.
“Hi, Kitty. It’s nice to meet you.” He gives her his customary smirk. “I’m Josh. Miles and I work together. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
And now I have different, less territorial reasons for wanting to punch him.
“Oh?” Her gaze slides my way, her tone dripping sarcasm. “All good things, I’m sure.”
Josh either misses the sarcasm or decides to ignore it. “Only the best. You’re kind of internet famous, aren’t you?”
She giggles and waves a hand around in the air. “I’m not famous.”
“You’ve got a pretty huge following on social media and some real dedicated fans.”
Bless her sweet, innocent heart, Kitty’s eyes light up, as though she’s found a kindred spirit in Josh. “Are you a cat lover?”
Before he can say something highly inappropriate, I interrupt. Unlike me, Josh is a ladies’ man, and for whatever reason, that smirk he has should be patented as a panty remover. And I do not
want him trying to remove Kitty’s panties. Ever. Or flirting with her. That’s a realization I’m not sure what I should do with.
“Hey, uh, not that this isn’t a welcome surprise.” I hope he catches the hint of derision. “But what are you doing here?”
He gives me a look. “We gotta be at the rink in—” He glances at the clock on the stove. “Fifty-four minutes.”
That’s right. He said that when he first arrived. “Shit.” I glance at Kitty, standing a few feet away, looking beautiful despite her rumpled clothes.
“I can take the train home,” she says. “I wanted to make sure that you were feeling okay before I left, and you definitely are.” Her gaze dips to my waist, and her cheeks flush for what seems like the millionth time this morning.
Stupid body, being a jerk and embarrassing us both.
“Why don’t you take my car?” I blurt without thinking about what I’m offering and who I’m offering it in front of.
Josh’s head whips around. I don’t make eye contact, though, or even glance in his direction. Instead, I stay completely focused on Kitty.
She, however, does glance in Josh’s direction. “Oh, uh, that’s not necessary. It’s been a while since I’ve taken the train. It’ll be an adventure.”
“I’m heading your way to see my mother later this afternoon. And I’m totally used to the train. At this time of day it’ll take a while, and then you’ll still have to get from the station back to your car. And you’ve been more than generous with your time.” I grab the keys from the counter and hold them out to
her. This is the perfect way to get myself off her shit list, show my appreciation, and get her away from Josh. “Seriously. I insist. You’re a great driver. I trust you with my baby.”
Her uncertain expression says it all.
I step closer and take her hand in mine, flip it palm up, and drop the keys into the center, then fold her fingers around them. I should let her hand go and stop trying to force my car on her. But there’s new energy in the air. All our previous bickering and negative tension has been wrapped in her kindness. My previous frustration with my situation has shifted. The contact is completely innocent and should not in any way invoke the desire to lean in and kiss her, and yet I find my eyes darting to her lips. Which she licks.
“Okay?” She sounds more confused than anything.
“I owe you for last night.” I lift my gaze and get lost in her forest-green eyes for several seconds. At least until Josh clears his throat.
I reluctantly drop her hand and glance his way. It appears as though he’s trying to telepathically communicate his thoughts through his eyebrows.
“I’ll grab my purse and be on my way. Unless you need anything else?” Kitty crosses the room and picks up her oversized bag with a cat face on it.
“Nope! All good. I’ll touch base later.” I can’t tell if I’m making things better or worse.
“Sure.” She slips her feet into her cat-print flats. “I wanted to discuss me potentially staying the night at your mother’s place. I
think part of the reason Prince Francis has been so destructive is because he’s not used to being alone so much. It might help to have someone in the house with him at night, and since that’s not safe for you, I’d be willing to give it a shot. Maybe we can talk that through later.”
“Yeah, absolutely.” I rush ahead down the hall ahead of her so I can unlock the door for her. “Thanks again for all your help. With everything. Especially the whole getting me to the hospital. Dying in my mother’s house in a pile of old trinkets is not the way I want to go.”
Way to go, Miles. Ruin a perfectly good thank-you by talking about your potential death.
“I’m really glad I was there.” She adjusts her purse and gives me a small, uncertain smile. “Timing really is everything.”
“It is. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn’t arrived when you did.” I need to stop thinking about the what-ifs. It’s freaking me out. “And thanks again for spending the night.”
The sound of a cat meowing out a song comes from her purse. She digs her phone out of her purse and brings it to her ear. “Hello?” She makes a range of facial expressions as the voice coming through the phone rises in volume. “Oh, that’s not good at all. Have you tried the salmon treats? Those are his favorite.” She makes a kiss face for a moment and then taps her lip. I almost lean in, until I realize this is her thinking face.
“Hmm. Okay. I can be there in less than an hour. Just use your calm voice and try to relax. We’ll get him out.” She reassures whoever she’s talking to twice more before she ends the call.
“Is everything okay?” Clearly it’s not, based on the side of
the conversation I heard, but I still feel compelled to ask for whatever reason.
“Bumbles is stuck in the wall.”
“The wall?” I echo. “How does a cat get stuck in a wall?”
“I’m not sure. But Mr. O’Toole has cataracts and hearing aids, so it’s very possible Bumbles isn’t stuck in a wall at all, and he’s just managed to climb into one of the cupboards again and can’t get himself out.” She readjusts her glasses again.
“That’s not good.”
“Not for Bumbles, no. I’m going to head there now. And thank you again for letting me take your car. I promise I’ll drive with the utmost caution.” She takes a step toward me and for reasons I don’t understand, I think it means she’s coming in for a hug. So I open my arms.
Her eyes flare. And in that moment, I realize she wasn’t coming in for a hug, she was just trying to get around me because I’m standing in front of the door. But I’m committed to seeing this through, even when she makes a surprised, squeaky sound.
As I wrap my arms around her, I manage to slam my elbow into the wall. I suck back the groan, because I don’t want to look like I can’t handle a little pain, but man, hitting your funny bone hurts like hell. For a couple of seconds, she’s frozen, but eventually her arms come around my waist, and she pats me on the back. Her nose bumps my pec before she turns her head. I wonder if she can feel or hear how fast my heart is beating. I glance down the hall and spot Josh peeking around the corner. Again, his eyebrows shoot up.
Kitty gives me a brief squeeze and as she steps back, her eyes are extra wide, and her cheeks are once again pink. “I’m glad your face is back to normal today. Your lips were already kissable; you really didn’t need them to be any fuller than they are in the first place.” Her own lips go thin, and it looks like she’s biting them together. “I have to go! Have a good day! Stay safe and keep breathing!”
I hold the door for her while she steps into the hall. “Have a good day, Kitty! Thanks again!” She glances over her shoulder and waves, then disappears around the corner, where the elevators are.
Josh is standing in the living room, one of his manicured eyebrows popping. Literally, it’s bouncing up and down like a car with hydraulics. I have no idea how he does it.
“Dude. You have some explaining to do, but after you get dressed, because I want a cinnamon roll.”
“I need to take Wilfred out to use the bathroom before we leave,” I tell him.
“I can take him while you get ready.” Josh grabs the leash from the hook on the wall. “Come on, buddy, let’s go pee on a fire hydrant.”
Wilfred hustles over, tongue lolling and tail wagging.
“Okay. Thanks. I’ll be right back.” I take a two-minute shower, throw on a fresh suit, and meet Josh in the hall ten minutes later. I grab my messenger bag from the counter, give Wilfred a pat on the head, assure him I’ll be home at a reasonable time tonight, and that Mark and Joe will be by soon to take him and Herman
for their daily trip to the dog park, then I leave my apartment with Josh.
As soon as we’re in Josh’s sports car, he starts firing questions at me. “Are you doing the dirty with the Kitty Whisperer?”
I give him a look. “No.”
“She slept at your house last night, and you’re telling me nothing happened?”
“I had an allergic reaction. A bad one. I wasn’t in any condition to do anything but be thankful I can breathe.”
“Okay, back this up and start from the beginning.” He makes a rewind motion with his finger.
So I tell him the whole story.
He chuckles. “Well, there’s a special brand of irony right there.”
I frown. I’m still spacey from the antihistamines, I think. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re basically allergic to your girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“She stayed the night at your house.”
“In my spare room. Because I almost died.”
“So you’d be cool with it if I ask her out on a date, then?”
“Over my dead fucking body.”
Josh smiles. “That’s what I thought.”